Is My Best Enough For My Kids?

I made a major decision that changed my life as a married career woman 11 years ago. It was easy for me to embrace the idea of becoming a stay at home mom. I knew that I had to give up so much pertaining to a promising career opportunities and mobile lifestyle. I accepted that meeting with friends and fast professional and personal growth would be scarce or none at all. I didn't falter because all I thought was the presence that I could give Kuya and having a nanny would never be an option  again.

Paps and I hired a nanny twice but it never worked for us. It came to a point that only the two of us could fully understand and extend our patience to our son who was very active and clingy that time.

I never look back totally but sometimes I glance behind a little to remember the reason why I have decided to become a SAHM especially during those moments when I feel exhausted, impatient, and irritable. It is inevitable that some days are better than others and vice versa. My life becomes more challenging and time bound when I have started a homebased business with my mom after giving birth to Bunso who has been diagnosed with Mild Autism before his fourth birthday. I have to juggle my duties to give my best to my family especially to my precious sons and have trained myself to insert at least 20 minutes of "me time" a day to keep my sanity intact.


There are instances that I become so focused with business tasks that I take some time that is intended for my kids to finish deadlines. Honestly, I feel guilty. We live by the paycheck that makes me more eager to help my husband earn for a living to give our kids the life that they deserve. Like Paps, I take time to give our kids not just their basic needs but their wants sometimes because I like them to grow up knowing how to prioritize and make the right decisions. I communicate with them and teach them life lessons for them to grow up good and self-directed individuals. I see to it that I make the best out of what we have as a family. I do my best to be always there for my kids. I love them more than I love myself. I can give up everything to make them happy. But the question is, do they know and feel how much I love them? I know that it's not always easy to give the best for my kids but is my best enough for them?

I have shortcomings and imperfections and I wonder how my kids perceive me as a mom. Do their hugs and kisses validate their love for me? When they say "I love you, Mama", do they really mean that they love me or it's just a sort of a habit because I always say "I love you" to them several times a day? Honestly, it never crossed my mind to ask them not until I watched this video:

It's Mother's Month and a perfect time to reflect. How do our kids see us? Sapat kaya ang atensiyon at pagmamahal na ibinibigay natin sa kanila? Here's a touching video about how kids see their moms. Ihanda na ang tissue bago panoorin at nakaaantig ng damdamin. . https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1201733093286441&id=821902747936146&_rdr . #allaroundpinaymama #FernCKidz #kalidadnaalaga

A post shared by SJ Valdez (@allaroundpinaymama) on May 11, 2017 at 1:11am PDT

By merely thinking of asking them about how they see me as a mom makes me feel uncomfortable. It's because I feel that my efforts are not enough, that I still need to improve more to be the best mom that I can be. My husband once told me during one of the lowest moments of my life as a mom, "Mama, don't be too hard on yourself. You are a great mom and always remember that." I hope that my kids feel the same way. Well, I don't have the courage to ask my kids but I can ask Paps to do that for me.
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