School-aged kids nowadays are bombarded with too much school work but it's noticeable that they tend to be more resilient in dealing with the ups and downs of school life. Sometimes they become so adept with their daily routines that they forget to slow down, leading them to confusion, boredom, and sadness especially maybe, when they are being raised by authoritarian grade conscious parents.
In my opinion, being a grade conscious parent is okay as long as he/she is an authoritative parent. Authoritative parenting is needed when it comes to guiding our kids to succeed in school. In fact, according to Grace Shangkuan Koo, PhD on her book Raising Wise Dads, Moms, & Kids, "Authoritative parenting is high on responsiveness and demandingness... Unlike authoritarian parents (high on demandingness but low in responsiveness), authoritative parents combine warmth and support with enforcement of rules and use of sanctions when necessary. Yes, authoritative parents are controlling and demanding as they hold high expectations for mature behavior, yet at the same time they are warm and nurturant, listening patiently and sensitively to their children's point of view."
Papa and I consider ourselves as authoritative parents. When it comes to Kuya's schooling, my husband and I are very hands-on although we don't pressure him that much. We guide him using our "Three Basic Rules for his School Success" but I admit, there are times when he needs more pushing as the school year progresses. No matter how I want to avoid it, the pushing becomes intense when the major exams are approaching. Kuya tends to feel lax and says that he knows the lessons already and there's no need to review. He has this attitude of being too cool and that makes me so anxious and worried about what's going to happen next.
I trust my son but I have reasons to worry. (1) Kuya doesn't like to memorize. He's now a fifth grader and his lessons are harder and requires mastery of knowledge so he needs to remember all the important details from formula to rules, etc, etc. (2) He doesn't like to review his least favorite subjects (Parang sa akin yata siya nagmana, 'no? OMG! Blame it to my genes!). He doesn't like Math and Filipino that much, subjects that entail too much memorization. (3) He is always tired after school. Aside from studying the whole day, he does his homework while waiting for his Papa. When he arrives at home, I check his homework and if I tell him to review some more, he says that he only wants to eat and rest.
I tell Papa about my sentiments regarding Kuya's behavior towards studying. He always says that I don't have to worry. Both of us should keep on believing that Kuya can do it on his own pace and time. In the first place, Kuya does his best when he's in school. How does Papa know? He's a teacher in the school where Kuya's attending.
He also says that Kuya's like him. Carbon copy daw siya ni Kuya.
He would tell me that when he was still a kid, he also had the same attitude. But as he grew, maturity set in and all the teachings that Tatay and Nanay taught him sinked in that made him learn how to balance his life. Modesty aside, Papa was a consistent honor student from grade school to high school, an achiever in college, and an excellent teacher and student up to this point.
Papa always eases my worries. What we do to Kuya when he's not in the mood to study yet is we let him play his favorite toys or watch a short film. Then he resumes studying after. Kuya still complains about tons of things to do but by showing him that we trust him and believing that he can deliver make him feel assured that he is doing just fine. This also makes him realize that he is at the right age to become more responsible with his studies.
I feel guilty that sometimes I forget that kids get burned out too and that includes my son! I'm so worried about what's going to happen on his exams that I forget to understand he needs time to relax. The nagging and pushing that I do to Kuya make him more pressured and these lead him to dislike studying or worse to have low self-esteem. I'm hurting my child unconsciously which is bad.
Papa says, "We are here to live and not to survive!" Yes, it's true. I may not see clearly right now the results of guiding Kuya but I believe that Kuya's going to be a good, talented, and successful person in the future.
Putting myself on his shoes is always a must for me to do. It's not degrading to go down to the level of my son. I was once a kid. I remember that I got burned out too when I was his age! And of course, adults get burned out, mga bata pa kaya? Who am I not to understand?
3 comments
Wow! it hit me bulls-eye...I got two primary graders(Grade3and1) Im lucky to have a studous son(my eldest) but when my second child entered grade one it seems like ive been so pushy. There are times i feel depressed because he doesnt seem to be interested. My hubby opened my eyes that I must be comparing our two children. fFrom then on i started working out to help my second child without being pushy. He seems to be enjoying study time now.Thanks for this article...It made my Sunday more brigter😊
ReplyDeleteThanks, my friend, Elisa! We are teachers so have the tendency to get pressured in terms of teaching our kids. Parang we have this feeling na we have to make our kids almost perfect because we have the social responsibility to fulfill. Yes, it's not okay to compare our kids because they are unique. It really works when we don't pressure our kids. They become self-reliant and they feel that they are in control if we include them in decision making on how they would like to learn. It pays to be open-minded. Iba na ang panahon ngayon. When parents nag, kids tend to be rebellious. Kaya hinay-hinay lang talaga tayo sa pag-push sa kanila. Thanks, sis, for commenting. I miss XS days with you and the GSPO team.
DeleteThanks too joyce for the inspiration...It lightens the load😊
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
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